This post was supposed to be in
defense of Jack and how he’s actually an excellent choice of soul mate.
But, given that I decided in 7th grade that Romeo and Juliet
had a completely idiotic and entirely avoidable outcome, I’m not the girl for
that assignment. Killing yourself because you love someone is
stupid. (For the record, Rose obviously thought this, too, since she
managed to get herself off that piece of driftwood and find a whistle rather
than drown in the North Atlantic along with the love of her life.)
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| Just because he freezes to death doesn't mean you have to, Rose. |
So instead of wasting energy trying
to defend Jack, let me tell you why no self-respecting woman should end up with
Cal Hockley.
1. Cal is a controlling
bastard. Any woman in his life is supposed to simply forget that she has
a mind of her own. Oh, you didn’t want rare lamb for dinner? Tough
luck, sweetie. Oh, you’re reading Freud? Not any more, you’re
not. How dare you have ideas, or—even worse--spout cleverly phrased
insults? For instance:
Mr. Ismay: I wanted to convey sheer size, and size means
stability, luxury, and above all, strength.
Rose: Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.
Rose: Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.
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| Come on, Mr. Ismay. Those smokestacks are pretty phallic. |
2. Cal steals children. And is
dishonest. Remember when he grabs that poor little child on deck and
claims it is his own so that he can finagle his way into one of the
approximately three lifeboats on the Titanic? He’s a lying, cheating
kidnapper with a bespoke overcoat. Don't be fooled by the fancy clothes,
ladies--this man has no moral compass.
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| I'm so charming and well-dressed! Pay no attention to my kidnapping ways. |
3. Speaking of that wardrobe, Cal is
entirely too pretty to be trusted. (Check out the gelled
hairdo.) Jack, while admittedly disheveled, is refreshingly
low-maintenance. Cal will need an hour minimum to primp before leaving
his cabin. While I suppose it's handy to be able to borrow your future
husband's leave-in conditioner, it's also a little weird.
(Cal knows it.)
4. Finally, Cal doesn’t know how to
have a good time. Rose can hang with the first-class tea-drinkers and the
crazy Irish kids in steerage. Brandy and cigars after dinner? You
call that fun, Cal? Stop being an uptight bastard and go get yourself a
Guinness.
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| Why yes, it is a lovely day for a Guinness! |
When Rose ditched Cal for good
(remember, she had one final chance to reconnect with him once they were
rescued by the Carpathia), she knew what she was doing. Old Rose shows
you all those photos of herself flying planes and riding horses on the beach in
Santa Monica; would she have done those things if she had married Cal?
Heck no! In an inspired act of subconscious thought, she even kept the
diamond, so she had all the start-up capital she needed had she chosen to use
it to build her new, awesome life.
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| Ditched the dude, kept the diamond. Smart. |
Maybe
Rose's mom should have married Cal. She seemed resigned to a life of
submission and boring tea parties.
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| If I have to drink one more cup of tea, I'm going to slit my wrists with the butter knife. |
